Lindsay Lohan does Purple

Lindsay Lohan did a photoshoot with Terry Richardson for Purple and it came out as you’d expect. She pushed out her ass and let her tits hang out because that’s the only sexy pose Lindsay knows. “Demure” is not in her vocabulary. She’ll go from zero to slut in 5.4 seconds. Rawr!

Lindsay Lohan seems nice

Lindsay Lohan was in Milan yesterday on her way back from that morning’s fashion show and heading to the airport when she decided to roll down her window and throw her Red Bull at the paparazzi.
Lindsay is a spoiled brat, but, rawr, what a spitfire. I bet she rivals Jessica Simpson in bed. I could be wrong, however. She could be constantly drunk and high making her terrible in bed which sounds more likely. Instead of describing her as “sexual napalm”, she’d be described as a sexual water balloon. Wet, but ultimately underwhelming and useless on contact.

Lindsay planning move to England

Finally, my cries for a celebrity exchange program have been heard. Lindsay is moving to England in the very near future. That two part interview with The Sun was just the right amount of attention she needed to consider leading a new life of debauchery in the UK. Lindsay made the announcement yesterday tweeting, “Moving to the UK is in my near future* better dj’s/music and Paris is just a Chunnel away!” I’m not sure if that Paris comment was a dig at Paris Hilton’s stretched out vagina, but that’s how I’m going to take it.
The most important question of course is who the US gets in return. May I suggest Cheryl Cole? She’s soon to be divorced and LA is wonderful. Paparazzi will take your picture everywhere you go even if you’re on a yacht 4 miles off shore so exposure is not a problem and police will treat you like a god, bending to your every whim. You’ll have to set a homeless guy on fire just to get the LAPD to take notice and the most they’ll do is issue a press release saying “We do not condone setting homeless people on fire.”
[LA, February 23. Images via Pacific Coast News.]