Paris and Doug are moving

You’d think there would be more photos of Paris Hilton flaunting her ass in a desperate bid for attention during these past few months, but there aren’t. She’s surprisingly been pretty low key for a while. Until she went to Brazil for the Devassa launch party anyway. There she tried to out-whore herself by bending over for everyone. The most and least impressive thing about this was she was wearing underwear. Paris Hilton is losing a step. The game is passing her by.

Don’t drink the water

Not sure if Paris Hilton took a swim or not. It’s safer to not drink the water. If you’re Brazilian that is. It’s like Mexico. We here in America are used to the Hilton disease that swims around in our tap. Granted, it took a few years to develop a resistance. Brazil hasn’t. Drinking the water now would be like shooting a cocktail of super STD’s straight into your veins.
Also, I find it ridiculous that Paris is just standing around a yacht in a bikini wearing a ridiculously large sunhat and clutching onto her over-sized purse like someone is going to steal it.

Anthony Hopkins has a point

Anthony Hopkins compares Paris Hilton and other celebrity socialites to “soulless machines” and says people like Paris have “nothing going on up there.”

“We’re living in a pretty strange time. I went into a shop to buy my wife some clothes and I wanted them gift-wrapped. And they had this big plasma screen on with these women on the catwalk. I thought, ‘God almighty, what have we become?’ These girls – anorexic, walking like machines, no soul.”
“You look at fashion magazines and you think, ‘What are we living in?’ You look at the red carpet, Paris Hilton, you know, these people and you think, ‘Is there anything going on up there?’ It’s a mass enslavement and it’s kind of fascism. And it’s the androgyny of it; the androgyny of the human soul. I don’t think people think any more. But maybe I’m just old.”

This may come as a shock to Hopkins, but everyone agrees and that’s what makes these socialites so endearing. Because we can make fun of them and they won’t even know. They’re like robots sent from the future to make sex tapes and flash their crotches. Existing solely for our entertainment. That’s why whenever I see one of them I tell them to “Dance, monkey!” And they do. With great pleasure.

Paris Hilton thinks she’s entitled

Paris Hilton was pulled over in Santa Monica on Tuesday and given a ticket for being a spoiled little bitch who thinks laws don’t apply to her. But that wouldn’t fit on the ticket, so the cop just wrote “unsafe passing.” From TMZ:

Paris Hilton was bitch-slapped by the long arm of the law Tuesday — after cops say the heiress was trying to pass several cars on Santa Monica Blvd. by using the bike lane. Paris was pulled over Tuesday afternoon when L.A. County sheriff’s deputies claim they observed Hilton’s black SUV entering the bike lane in an attempt to get around slower cars on the road. Hilton was cited for “unsafe passing” — and sent along her merry way.

Passing in the bike line? Is Paris crazy? Doesn’t she realize that she could have hit a bicyclist and dented her Escalade? I kid, I kid. Just because they can’t afford cars doesn’t mean bicyclists aren’t human, too. I mean, hell, I used to be one. When I was nine.
NOTE: This post guest-written by Nick from Celebslam.com. While not as handsome as Victor here at The Blemish, I guarantee you I am WAY stronger.*