Lindsay Lohan’s love of women surprised her

Prepare for a sexy revelation. Lindsay Lohan tells The Sun (in part 2 of her candid interview) via PEOPLE that her love of women crept up on her prone, sexy body like a bi-curious succubus. I don’t know what I just wrote. Anyway, Lohan sets the scene for the perfect woman in prison movie:

“I never really thought about women before, it kind of just happened with Samantha. It surprised me.”
“If I wasn’t with Samantha, I would probably be with a boy next. She’s the only woman I’ve been attracted to. We love each other. We might reconcile the relationship, maybe.”

Now that Lindsay and Samantha live in the same apartment building in LA, it will be hard to avoid each other. Not only that, it should make Lindsay’s plan of seducing Samantha much easier. First it’ll start with a chance meeting at the mailboxes. Next it will escalate to giggling at something Samantha said followed by a light graze of Lindsay’s fingers on Sam’s arms as she rasps, “Oh, you’re so funny!” Finally, Lindsay will ever so casually mention she’s not wearing panties and slightly hitch up her skirt. All the while the mailman, sweating profusely, nervously tries to finish sorting the mail as fast as he can before having to witness a full on Gollum-Ash Tray makeout session.

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson are passionate

You may have thought Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson broke up, but you would be very wrong. Sort of. While reports say they have split, they still show up to the same clubs and they both live in the same building which raises a few eyebrows. Now Radar says their relationship has turned violent and that Lindsay throwing a drink in Ronson’s face wasn’t an isolated incident. A source says:

“One time I saw her [Lindsay] and she had a large welt on her head,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She told me that Sam beat the (bleep) out of her.
“She also said that Sam even punched and choked her one time.”
“It’s so twisted. They’re not together, but they are,” said the source. “I never thought I’d ever say this, but I really do feel sorry for Lindsay. She is just lost. She’s alone. She has no friends to turn to.”

It’s scientifically proven that 90 pound emaciated girls hit with about as much force as a down stuffed pillow so can this really be considered domestic violence? Lindsay had a welt on her head and that’s considered beating the shit out of her. Compare that to Chris Brown beating the shit out of Rihanna. Sam probably didn’t even touch Lindsay. Sam probably swung at Lindsay and in the 20 seconds it took for her loosely clenched fist to reach her face, Lindsay had enough time to back away. Lindsay probably slipped on the ground and hit her head. A clash between Lindsay and Sam would be about as dangerous as a snowball fight with plastic bags instead of snow.